Victor Chiao has experienced more freedom over the past year and a half than he ever had throughout the course of his life. But he wouldn’t be where he is today if he had not also experienced the greatest darkness and despair in his life as well.
Cindy Wu
Work Hard, Play Hard—Dave’s Story
Things have always come easily to Dave Trout. As a child, he displayed precocious academic skills, learning to multiply by four years of age. Throughout his school years, he exhibited athletic and leadership abilities as well, serving as captain of the high school football team, basketball team, and baseball team.
Early on, Dave was singled out as Mother’s favorite. She was proud of her son and didn’t mind showing him off, giving him excessive amounts of positive attention over Dave’s three older brothers. But Mother’s fawning led to a deep insecurity: “I have to achieve for people to love me,” Dave believed. This drove him to become achievement-oriented, to a fault.
Set Free from Secret Shame: Suzanne’s Story
Early on in their marriage Suzanne Alft and her husband Kevin made a resolve: to walk deeper in their faith and to meet other couples wanting to do the same. When they signed up for their first Faithwalking 101 retreat to challenge them in that direction, Suzanne knew the path to transformation might be difficult due to some events from her past.
For Suzanne, Faithwalking opened some locked secrets. At her 101 retreat she was able to identify and label her secret self, a self that was crippled by shame from childhood trauma. When Suzanne was only 14 years old, she became pregnant. Her parents didn’t show concern for her—they just determined to take care of the pregnancy, and to keep it a family secret. They took her to the family doctor for an abortion, where they learned she was too far along. She was then dragged to an adoption agency, and in the end, gave up her child. Throughout this ordeal, her parents did not console Suzanne. Keeping the pregnancy a family secret was the priority.
How Deep the Father’s Love: Andy’s Story
In his mind, Andy Sanchez can still see the car driving off into the distance. His father, mother, and three siblings were driving off to Mexico to get tacos, but Andy wasn’t going. His parents owned three mini-marts, and Andy, as the most dependable among his siblings, was the default “right hand man” whenever his parents needed someone to stand in for them. And that day, they were going out, which meant Andy would be staying behind.
For Andy, being responsible did not feel like a virtue—it felt like a curse, especially when his family went on outings without him. To make matters worse, his siblings made fun of him for being excluded. Over time, Andy started to feel like an outsider. He felt like a servant rather than a son, and he felt taken for granted. Andy recalls, “That day, when they drove off without me, I made a commitment, I made a series of vows—to never put myself in a position where I needed anything from my parents. I promised myself not to depend on my parents.”
Rejoicing in Weakness: Q&A with Hayward Sparks
Hayward Sparks is a businessman who describes himself as a “seasoned veteran of the business world,” a fighter, and a recovering perfectionist. This is our conversation about how he came to also describe himself as a “raving Faithwalking fan.”
Q: When you were young, you experienced an embarrassing encounter that had a lasting impact. Briefly share that incident, and how it shaped one of your vows.
No Woman is an Island: Debbie’s story
Debbie still remembers the day her parents forgot to pick her up from school. She was in a new town, a new school, and she hardly knew anyone. That day, she waited in the spot her parents told her to, but they never came. So she walked home, and when she arrived they told her they had forgotten to set their clocks properly. No apology, no comfort, just a perfunctory congratulation on making it back all by herself. Debbie was hurt. But she was also angry. They didn’t seem to care. And Debbie recalls that incident as the beginning of a lifetime vow of independence. From then on, she wanted to prove to her parents, and everyone else, that she could handle things on her own.
Debbie became fiercely independent, a trait that was driven by anger. She explains, “Anger took over my life. I didn’t care about anybody and wouldn’t let people get close to me.” Debbie didn’t have a relationship with God either. “I didn’t want to answer to anybody, not even to God, because I was going to live my life the way I wanted to.”
Enough Faith to Say No: Diane’s Story
You won’t see Diane Walker out and about as much as before. These days she is stepping down from most of her community involvements and learning to say “no” to activity, something that does not come easily to this active matriarch of the family of “Working Walkers.” Being busy is in Diane’s DNA. Busyness is a form of fulfillment, but also a form of escape.
When Diane was a little girl, she was molested by her uncle. She confided in her mother, but nothing was done about it. It seemed like nothing could be done about it. This made Diane feel like she did not matter, like no one cared. She felt unimportant.
A New Chapter: Michelle’s Story
If you had met Michelle Nicholson one year ago and then ran into her again today, you would notice a change. You would notice a twinkle in her eye and a quicker smile. You would notice a more relaxed laugh. And then if you asked her what happened, she would apply one of her new guiding principles and begin to tell you her story.
Michelle would start off with a painful memory from her childhood in Nigeria, where she was born and raised, a memory that contributed to her struggling with inadequacy for most of her life. One day Michelle got in her mother’s way. Her mother would sometimes say hurtful things, especially when she was stressed, and these words spilled out of her mother’s mouth: “You‘re stupid and useless.” Those words struck Michelle to the heart. Although she knew her mother loved her, Michelle took those words at face value, and the words stuck.
Getting Healthy – Joe’s Story
Joe Probst knows what it’s like to be sick. Born 10 weeks early, he was chronically ill from birth well into his teenage years. He suffered a range of health issues resulting from a compromised immune system, including bronchitis, allergies, and asthma. Being the youngest son in a family of four boys, Joe was always the smallest and the weakest.
Mom tended to fawn over Joe. Constantly worried about his frail health, she kept him inside a lot, and Joe missed out on many activities. Dad was a jock and wasn’t sure what to do with a sickly son; he was there physically but distanced emotionally from the son with whom he could not relate. Both parents had the pressures and financial stress of raising a large family, and Joe’s dad always seemed angry and disengaged. On top of that, Joe’s next-oldest brother became jealous of all the attention he was getting due to the illnesses, so they fought a lot. Joe never won any of those fights.
Redeemed Brokenness: Jorge’s Story
It was the worst best day of his life. Jorge had been having an affair, and on that day, his wife found out. This was not a one-time offense. Jorge had a long history of sexual compulsion and addiction, even resulting in getting this last affair partner pregnant. So Jorge’s wife, having known nothing about any of his sexual indiscretions until that day, kicked him out of the house and planned to divorce him. But that’s not how it ended.
Sexually abused as a toddler and exposed to pornography at the tender age of four, Jorge grew up his entire life with a warped view of sex. By the time he graduated from college, Jorge’s lifestyle included visiting prostitutes and collecting pornographic videos and magazines.
